As I light-heartedly joked about in my previous entry, our little one has virtually sucked the life out of me and has shifted my priorities to that of father. It’s taken significant effort to even ensure that change doesn’t snuff out my role as husband either; with Lily demanding much of my time and energy, it can be a struggle to make sure that my wife and I have sufficient time together and are able to have meaningful, enriched conversations with each other.

But what remains certain is my uncertainty about me, who I am, and who I am to be on this earth — what are my roles and talents, and what sort of jobs or careers would not only be fulfilling, but would help me be the kind of role model or example for my kids in the years to come. Will they see me dragging my feet through a relatively meaningless job, or will they see me using all of my talents and gifts in a way that helps our community/world, helps provide for my family, and helps me feel like a whole person? These questions are important to me, because I believe that part of being a great father and husband involves being a more whole person, sure of yourself, and contributing of yourself to a greater good. That wholeness gives you something to give to your kids, providing them an example of wholeness.

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Filed under: Awareness, Fatherhood, General, Spirituality, kids
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We’re in our third week of parenting now, Lily is two weeks and two days old, and we’re surviving so far. I’ve heard numerous people volunteer recollections of how their second and third weeks were really hard for them as well; and they weren’t kidding. The past few days have been some of my hardest days ever — sleep deprived, emotionally exhausted, and challenged with the task of consoling the object of my affection while she cries to the point of driving me mad. It’s hard to not take the inconsolability personal.

I can truly empathize with some parents, how they are driven to despair and in a moment of weakness shake their baby in frustration resulting only in tragedy. Personally, I know that I’ll never resort to such brutal “consoling” choices, and have been able to set Lily down when she becomes severely inconsolable. But I can certainly understand the frustration.

It’s a good thing she’s as cute as she is.

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Filed under: Fatherhood, kids
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Yesterday was Lily’s “one week” check-up — the reality is that it’s been ten days, but close enough for check-up’s, horseshoes and hand grenades. So far she’s looking and doing well, she’s gained the weight back that she lost in the hospital (and then some) and has grown a half inch as well. She’s our little 9 pound, 21 inch ball of cuteness and we’re loving this gift of God that we’ve been given.

Life is totally different these days — the things that once consumed my time and energy are now perhaps the furthest off in my priority list. I spend very little time at the computer, I don’t watch much TV, and most of my time is spent with my wife, with Lily, and at church or work. I’d say that’s a pretty dramatic shift for me. My “lease” runs up in four days for my photo studio, so I’ll no longer have that financial obligation (nor the creative space to work in), and all my other interests are pretty well just blips on the map for me…distant blips at that.

My life these days is basically my wife and Lily, and doing what I can to provide a safe place, money to pay the bills and keep a roof over our head, and to provide food on the table. Everything else just seems like a waste of time when I could be holding my little girl and watching her grow right before my eyes. In the past week she’s already gained a pound, grown a half inch, and becomes more and more expressive each day. If I could get by without working, I would — but since we need a house and food, I pretty much have to keep that end of the deal.

It still feels pretty surreal, having a child of our own — yet with each passing day, I can scarcely remember what life was like without her. And amazingly enough, the question that runs through my mind once in awhile is, “why did we wait so long?” But now that she’s here, I can’t imagine ever going back to life without her. She’s precious to us both; very precious.

Filed under: Fatherhood, kids
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It’s been a pretty long stay in the hospital, and it’s fair to say that we’re both pretty exhausted with all the affairs surrounding having a c-section baby and staying a few extra days in the hospital. For the most part, nearly our entire experience here at United Hospital has been great save for one evening shift, where Natalie was not getting her pain killers on time (sometimes two hours late), and nurses taking over an hour to act in response to our page. But other than one evening, our experience has been mostly positive.

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One thing’s for certain, we can’t expect much sleep tonight. Between the nurses stopping in every hour, making adjustments, checking the epidural, and switching Natalie on her sides — we will be taking short breaks here and there to rest up while the contraction intensity builds.

They’re presently two minutes apart, but not nearly as strong as they could be. And it looks like we’ll could be pushing as early as 3 am, but that’s something we’ll take one moment at a time.

Looks like we’ll be in for a long night ahead.

Filed under: Fatherhood, General
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I’ve got a quiet moment in our hospital room while Natalie rests, so I thought I’d give a bit more in-depth of an update to our friends and family (and other on-lookers).

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I love Gmail…love it, love it, love it. It’s been priceless in the general war on terror spam. It catches basically 99.5% of the spam that comes through, rarely letting a stray message through inviting me to share the inheritance of some dude in Africa, of course for a “small” upfront fee.

Whatever. I’m not that gullible.

Periodically I like to go through my spam box and look at all the wondrous ways that they try and fool people into clicking their links and downloading their crap. So to honor all the fools that have clicked on those spam links, I present to you my top ten phrases used in spam messages. If sexual innuendos make you uncomfortable, move along.

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Because this story is going to be confusing and will require the repetition of certain things, assume that MT will refer to my michael (at) michaeltangen.com e-mail address; and that GM will refer to my gmail account — two distinctly different entities. With that established, welcome to my story of how I became stuck in Google’s wormhole.

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Tomorrow’s the big day, at least according to Natalie’s OB doctor’s estimation for our target due date — and as has been the testimony of friends and co-workers, we can expect that Lily will be arriving on or after our due date. Up until now, she’s just been playing mind games with us with the occasional Braxton-Hix sensations.

The bags are packed, cameras ready to go, and our hearts ever eager to meet our little girl. It’s a strange relationship that you hold with your baby from the outside world through a wall of skin, tissue, and waters. She moves quite a bit, letting us feel an elbow, a foot, and sometimes her little bottom pressed up against mom’s belly. You develop these “blind” feelings of absolute love and adoration, and are absolutely transfixed with this mystery brewing inside the one you love — it’s quite amazing. I am pretty sure that I’ll be a blubbering mess when Lily is born, teary-eyed and fighting with Natalie for tummy time with Lily.

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Filed under: Family, Fatherhood, General, Orthodoxy
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I don’t pretend to be an English scholar, and nor do I pride myself in having the best writing skills or a vocabulary that would deem me a wordsmith. That said, I have had a few writing classes post-college and had taken advanced English classes throughout high school — so I know a few words and how to use them properly. And every once in awhile something creeps up in our culture that begins to gnaw at my reserves — along the lines of the misuse of the words their, they’re, and there.

That sort of thing. Friends use it. People at work abuse it. And it’s even starting to creep into mainstream media as well.

It’s not that it is improper or incorrect to use that phrase, rather I think of it as a schlump phrase tacked on the end of a sentence to try and add more inclusion to it. “Yeah, we just went to the mall, grabbed some coffee, hung out — that sort of thing.” It has become a way to terminate an (un)ordered list of events or things by indirectly including anything that could possibly relate to the current subject matter, but without actually saying it. In all, it really isn’t adding much value to the statement, when it would have probably sufficed to just say “Yeah, we went to the mall, grabbed some coffee, and hung out for the rest of the afternoon.” Done. Terminate the sentence with actual closure, context and even a bonus time frame for the aforementioned activities.

I don’t want to give the impression that I’m being elitist here and saying that people are stupid for using that phrase — lazy maybe, but not stupid. And I think it’s distinctly an American thing…lazy grammar that is — allowing the end of our thoughts to trail off into some meaningless dribble without actually putting some more thought into what we rushed in to say.

Here’s another example of one that I heard at work (paraphrased of course): “When we interview the customer, we’ll want to be sure to cover the business case, information architecture, content needs, and that sort of thing.” AGH! It just makes me want to pull my hair out. If you evaluate this particular use of the phrase, it doesn’t make much sense since each of the items aren’t necessarily related. Instead, the person could end the phrase with something that might wrap up that discussion or even open up a more thorough discussion of the things we might want to ask the customer.

Example: “When we interview the customer, we’ll want to cover the business case, information architecture, content needs, and other information that would help us be better prepared for the project.” By ending the sentence like that, I am demonstrating that I’m more sure of what I have to say and I am offering up the opportunity for others to suggest other interview topics.

It’d be a lie to say that I’ve never used this phrase or any other Frankensteined version — that kind of thing, that sort of deal, etc. But I have been very cognizant of just how frequently people use it in every day conversation, e-mails, Facebook messages; and I think that as Americans we’ve become very lazy in how we communicate with each other. We are so quick to jump in and offer the impulse thought that races into our mind, that we don’t stop to ask a few questions in the process:

• What is the core message I’m trying to communicate?
• If I’m going to be sharing a list of ideas, how do I plan on terminating that list?
• Is this even worth sharing? Does it add value to the conversation?

If the person I’m talking to is grumpy, I might even ask myself “do they want to hear what I have to say on the subject?”

In all, we’d all be much better communicators if we all slowed down, processed some of our thoughts before we say them, and avoid the temptation to rush through what you’re saying. While it isn’t necessary something that people can attach a value statement to — like that person is lazy, or they don’t care about good grammar — it can demonstrate that you care about someone when you make the extra effort to be clear in your thoughts and phrase choices. You are making the effort to understand and be understood.

Anyway, I just had to get that grammatical load off my shoulder this morning — so now I can get back to enjoying my coffee, read some more headlines, check my Facebook…that sort of thing.

/wink

Filed under: Culture, Gaming
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